|
| i never thought i would say this but i actually hate my family we keept pretending that we're such a happy family and we've got no problems bla bla bla i mean, i have my two parents, two siblings, we support each other bla bla lba not true not true at all yeah i have both my parents. My dad, whom i do not have any type of relationship with, and my mom, who thinks i'm such a screw up and always always always thinks the worst of me. then i have my brother (the one thats actually screwed up) who makes my mom think that i'm screwed up too cuz i'm close to him and i have my annoying little sister who thinks she's so cool but if she loses weight by the time she's a teenager, she's gonna turn into a bitchy slut. if she's fat, she's gonna be a fat bitch. yeah my parents support me and stuff, but its so obvious they don't want me to focus on dancing as my future. they are trying so hard to change my mind. i can't wait to get the fuck out of here. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck them. i have a shit family, an eyepatch and lots and lots of homework. FML. | | |
| boys are stupid. throw rocks at them oh how i love that line. boys are the biggest dicks you can ever find on this entire planet. unless their gay. then they're awesome. they seem to think that women are walking, talking vaginas. especially boys at my age. fuck. i've had enough of being a walking vagina. i have my own respect too. which boys tend to overlook, seeing how i "ooze with sex appeal". flattering, at first. now, its just plain insulting. i'm sick of it. all they ever try to do is get in your pants. they when they fail, they don't talk to you. except for the hi with the big grin in the corridor. fake fake fake. just go ahead, make use of the term friendship to try and get something more. i wouldn't be surprised. i'm sick of it. for the first time i feel so alone. i've been away for so long i feel so distant from everyone. i'm just so, lost. i guess its because i don't have that someone to fall back on. i am just so confused. i can't stand it. life without you sucks. i never thought it wouldn't. but i never thought it would be this bad. i literally have no one. everyone's not talking to me for some strange reason. i hate it. i can't wait for friday... BRIDGET XOXO | | |
| I use to be lovedrunk, but now i'm hungover she keeps appearing in my dreams. i don't know why. is it suppose to be a sign? are dreams MEANT to be signs? its just so frustrating how she keeps appearing when i think i'm going to be ok. just the other day i found the stuff we use to keep together and i just started crying because i don't know what i'm suppose to do with it. she left everything behind. literally. to start a new life. and i'm stuck here, with everything she left behind, on top of the things that i have that remind me of her. i know its been a year since we've parted, but its just so hard to forget her. 14 years of friendship, down the drain. i don't even know what happened. i just want to talk to her, understand why it all happened. but i know that she won't believe me. whatever i deny she won't believe me. she'll think i'm just denying everything to make it look like she's the one being ridiculous. but even now i don't think she's being ridiculous. i'm just really hurt that she won't believe me. i don't understand why i keep losing people i'm close to. maybe there's something wrong with me. maybe i'm just not meant to have people close to me. maybe i'm suppose to be a loner. but i don't want to lose my close friends. being alone is exactly what i'm afraid of. but i guess maybe i'm suppose to face my fears. i don't know its just so frustrating i wonder how she's doing in america. i hope she's doing well. i hope she doesn't think badly of me. she probably does things just keep going wrong. i don't understand why things just keep going wrong. God, please give me a break. i am begging you. please let things go right again. its really driving me crazy. it was just so easy for you to walk away. but now i'm stuck in this. i hope it really did help you, starting a new life in a new country. now i've got to figure out how to restart mine. BRIDGET XOXO | | |
| life is amazing when you are the ride but who does "you" refer to? i guess my life suckzz. isn't it annoying how people are just SO INTO gossip? i admit, when i first moved to my school, gossiping and bitching was completely new to me and i took everything in. but now i'm just sick of it. i mean its done enough damage, i don't get why people still do it. One major influence for all this is Gossip Girl. i'm probably one of the few girls who hates that show. i mean its probably not a crap show but its just so full of... gossip. which explains the name. and so everybody wants to be a Gossip Girl, an It girl, the popular girl, get lots of attention from guys, get totally drunk, lose their virginity at a home party, that sort of thing. not that they've ever said that out loud, but just look at how they act and their reactions. its so obvious. the worse part is that these people think i'm a slut. just because i'm single, and i'm considered among my friends to be fucking hot. not that i'm agreeing with them. i don't think i'm hot. i actually think i'm quite revolting. but whatever thats not the point. the point is that they call me a slut for some particular reason which i don't see. i don't go around flirting with guys like they do, and they've got boyfriends. i don't sleep with guys, i'm still a virgin, and i know they're not. i don't try to steal their boyfriends, i don't even WANT a boyfriend. i've only ever had two. and they both were assholes. i've made a bet that i would stay single till i go to university and i'm still sticking to it. so i really don't understand what i did wrong. one reason is that i'm a really noisy person. oh i should mention they think my best friend is a slut too. they think we're useless blonde bimbos who can't get anything done. that makes them stupider because they always copy my homework. and who was the one who topped the chemistry class that day? definitely not them. oh wait, IT WAS ME. who is the dumb one now? oops, i'm more of complaining, aren't i? i guess is just never thought this would happen to me, cuz i've always been nice to everyone. ever since my big fall out with my best friend, i've made sure i'm nice and i won't cause anymore damage. but even the big fall out wasn't my fault. but yeah i try to lessen all this shit i get. i guess i'm too nice. because drama loves me. i'm quite suprised at how i hold up in school. i can still remain happy in school despite the fact that my best friend is in none of my classes so i have to face these two faced bitches myself and they're always so nice to me although i know they're such bitches behind my back. it really really annoys me but i guess its their problem, not mine. its their loss, not mine. what really keeps me going is my best friend in school, and my many best friends outside of school, who knows what i'm like. thank god for them. The Bitches have turned nearly all my friends against me. not that they treat us bad to our face, but they would all avoid us and stuff. it really sucks cuz now we don't have that many people to hang out with in school whatever i don't care. one day they're gonna get shit like that too. and they'll realise what great friends they are and they'll come back begging, but they'll never ever be our good friends. i guess we have to just accept them for what they are, and not be influenced by them. there's so many people like them in this world and we will constantly meet these people, we just need to learn how to deal with them. boys are right. girls ARE complicated. i wish i was a boy. BRIDGET XOXO | | |
| i'm so into reggae now school starts tomorrow... skipping free period and tok. so i'm only attending math and chemistry. hope the doctor will be nice. i promise i'll be nice back. she was such a bitch last week though. we'll see. and i have to face people. who i don't want to face. thank god for dana, theresa and anna. oh wait, anna won't be in school. she's in freakin hawaii. she'll be back on wednesday though. what i've kinda realised these past few years, is that you don't need alot of friends. all you need is just a few good friends. and i've constantly asked myself, what would you prefer, a big group of bitchy friends who always bitch behind each other's backs, or a few good friends? i've decided on the latter. at least you know they'll always be there. and i've decided to concentrate on those good friends i have, which would be dana, theresa, anna, lorraine, sarah, all from school, and soniya c, soniya k, ella, veronica and mary, from secondary school. i miss them like crazy. what really made me realise all this was when i lost my best friend of like 14 years or something like that. i don't even know how it happened. all these rumours spreading around school about me bitching about her and her bitching about me. it was so bad. our parents got involved and everything. it was just like world war three. the worse part was that although i believed everything she said to me, every rumour she denied, she never believed me. she believed everyone that told her all these rumours but she never once believed me. in fact she thought i was out to make her social life a misery, and she said "i've know bridget for fourteen years, i can totally imagine her bitching about me". that really hurt. i really miss her. i still cry about it. even though it happened a year ago. we ended our friendship, mainly because of what she said and what she expected me to do. she told me that if i wanted to still be her friend, i had to admit to everything i did, apologise, and do that in front of everybody. i'm not apologising for something i didn't do, so we just left it. i know we'll meet again. i can feel it. i don't know what i'm gonna do when that happens. i just hope it will turn out right. its really hard finding someone as a replacement of her. i realised i can never find someone to replace her. no one can replace no one. you just have to make do with what you have now. dana did say to be at the beginning of the year she hopes she can take her place in my life, so i'm glad. but i still don't know if i can trust any of them, like i trusted her. none of them know i have this blog. if they read this, they probably wouldn't even know this is about them. not that they're stupid, they actually really clever. they are all really smart. they just get the same shit as me, from the people in school, because we're kinda slow. that doesn't mean we're stupid. people should really look beyond appearances and behavior. i mean, look at paris hilton, she acts stupid and dumb, but she's actually not. she's smart because she knows how to sell herself. look at michael jackson, he's not a paedophile just like everyone says. just because two different families sued him for child molestation does not mean he is a child molester. he's just a man, desperately looking for what he missed in his childhood, and along the way, evil people try to extort money out of him. RIP michael. i love you. we should never ever take advantage of anyone, no matter how much of a dog they can be. its just mean. if they are a dog, you should help them, not take advantage of them. we have to appreciate what we have and our friends and family. no one's perfect so there's bound to be flaws in everyone, but we learn to accept it and even appreciate it. because appreciating someone else's flaws means you appreciate your own flaws. this allows others to appreciate your flaws and this creates peace between people, because you learn to laugh at others, and you learn to laugh at yourself, and everybody gets along. this is why i am so tolerate of people's behaviour towards me. sometimes i'm too nice. that can be a problem. especially with the boys. but i don't do it intentionally. it really sucks, having to reject somebody. but i guess i have to appreciate the fact that i actually have the chance to reject someone. but i've got to do something about this being too nice issue. any suggestions? anyways i'm off to bed now. i've got to prepare myself before seeing the doctor. BRIDGET XOXO | | |
|
